The Need & The Want

Searching for the right path that could lead you to a bright future, somewhere where you could find the enigma of life and the feeling of content with passion and love. Standing at a crossroad having no idea where your fate lies, only by working hard and praying for the best will continue you, to the journey you've been yearning for. I have learned the differences between the words of want and need. The things that you work for to get what you want will make your effort worthwhile but earning the things that are essentials to your needs make yourself content with passion and happiness from all of the hard work that you give. Should we put a line to the things that we want? Believing in the significance of our desire should not be apologetic. Different individuals have different desires, but to go towards there, would it cost more than the things you actually need? In my current situation, I need to have this, to get ahead, to make my efforts feel worthwhile, to bring the joy to my parents. When so many things are at stake, desperation comes in and influence your decision making. The paradox of wanting and needing plays such an important role in my life to determine what is best for me. Have I done enough to at least see some spark of hope to what I have yearned for? Insyallah, Insyallah.

I need this more than anything

I know I always make every semester sounds like a rough journey, but this time, it has been a struggle, no like real struggle. It is because, by sailing smoothly for this semester, I can already start doing my thesis. I'm in a crucial stage at the moment and I'm praying to Allah SWT, to give me this. I've really put the best effort I can give and it kills me to not know where my fate lies. And knowing that the paper I took was not easy for everybody shook my confidence. I always tell my friends that we are all going to get through this, but it does sound like I'm in denial. Am I? I think I really gave my all, I've never worked as hard as this semester. Ya Allah, in your infinite wisdom, please grant me this prayer. I'm not only doing this for myself, but for my beloved parents. I want that proud expression on their faces, I want to make them happy.

Its really hard to determine the sincerity of the people around you, when you are at the top of your game. Regardless of how much of kindness and support they'll portray, deep down inside their human hearts, the green envious little monster will emerge even in their smallest form. The way I see it, Life is full with competition, survival of the fittest, agreeing on what's better than another. Can't people just be happy for others? From what we can see, apparently not.

"Everlasting peace is a dream, and not even a beautiful one,"

- Helmuth Karl Bernard