The Need & The Want

Searching for the right path that could lead you to a bright future, somewhere where you could find the enigma of life and the feeling of content with passion and love. Standing at a crossroad having no idea where your fate lies, only by working hard and praying for the best will continue you, to the journey you've been yearning for. I have learned the differences between the words of want and need. The things that you work for to get what you want will make your effort worthwhile but earning the things that are essentials to your needs make yourself content with passion and happiness from all of the hard work that you give. Should we put a line to the things that we want? Believing in the significance of our desire should not be apologetic. Different individuals have different desires, but to go towards there, would it cost more than the things you actually need? In my current situation, I need to have this, to get ahead, to make my efforts feel worthwhile, to bring the joy to my parents. When so many things are at stake, desperation comes in and influence your decision making. The paradox of wanting and needing plays such an important role in my life to determine what is best for me. Have I done enough to at least see some spark of hope to what I have yearned for? Insyallah, Insyallah.

I need this more than anything

I know I always make every semester sounds like a rough journey, but this time, it has been a struggle, no like real struggle. It is because, by sailing smoothly for this semester, I can already start doing my thesis. I'm in a crucial stage at the moment and I'm praying to Allah SWT, to give me this. I've really put the best effort I can give and it kills me to not know where my fate lies. And knowing that the paper I took was not easy for everybody shook my confidence. I always tell my friends that we are all going to get through this, but it does sound like I'm in denial. Am I? I think I really gave my all, I've never worked as hard as this semester. Ya Allah, in your infinite wisdom, please grant me this prayer. I'm not only doing this for myself, but for my beloved parents. I want that proud expression on their faces, I want to make them happy.

Its really hard to determine the sincerity of the people around you, when you are at the top of your game. Regardless of how much of kindness and support they'll portray, deep down inside their human hearts, the green envious little monster will emerge even in their smallest form. The way I see it, Life is full with competition, survival of the fittest, agreeing on what's better than another. Can't people just be happy for others? From what we can see, apparently not.

"Everlasting peace is a dream, and not even a beautiful one,"

- Helmuth Karl Bernard

The End of 2011

It has been a rough journey going through the semester, not just in terms of my studies, but also my relationships with friends. To balance the importance of both, seemed like an impossible task, but phew, got through them fairly. Praying to God that everything will be good (my results obviously), insyallah. Holidays for three weeks, yay..... yeah am not really looking forward for it since my sleeping cycle just got fucked up to a whole new level. Nocturnal is the accurate word to describe my situation. Christmas around the corner and of course, the year 2012. I don't really believe in new year's resolution (because I'm too immature to acknowledge its significance on my life), but yeah, this coming year is going to be different...yes! It will be! First thing first, gotta find a clipboard to uphold all of my plans for the year coming (I'm a traditional kindda guy), and then...I'll decide later. Hehehe, I may seem reluctant now, but I'm not (how to show your enthusiasm in a post?) , alright am not going to write much further, but I do encourage people to do the same because it seems like the most productive thing to do at the moment, why not right? Wishing everyone a very advanced new year, and hoping that 2012 will be a better year :)

Luck on My Side

I have a dream. I am pretty sure everyone in this world has a dream they want to achieve. But of course there are always obstacles that we have to deal with to get to those dreams. I would say one of the greatest threats would be the element of uncertainty. Damn that word and its definition. As a person of faith, I believe every circumstance has its reasons for happening. Patience for something better is the usual advice or interpretation given by people or what they would tell themselves. I am not going against that belief but sometimes I wonder, how does the feeling of getting what one desires happens in a blink of an eye? Okay, am not that great writing figuratively, but truthfully, I am tired of waiting. When will the time come when God will choose me to be on Lady Luck's side? Before my whining gets on everyone's nerves, I assure that I know what I am talking about. Obviously in order to reach success, we can't just expect it will come rolling in front us without any effort being made. I know, I know, but once in a while, once in a blue moon, or in any rare occasion, I just want luck to fall on my side. Not asking for too much there, I hope. While typing all these words, I just realize that perhaps luck has always been on my side. Here I am sitting on a comfy chair, having a roof on top of me with all of my family living a healthy life. Having what you need around you, never seem like a significant importance in life, but yeah, wow, how God had opened my eyes. Hold up, I still desire for so many things, but for the now, being patient apparently is the right thing to do. Alright, alright, am done talking.

"I'm not happy with what I am,"

"I miss the beautiful things in life. When can I be inspired again?"

I would say the dilemma for this month would be studying hard for my exams. Too be honest, I'm too tired for getting average marks, but yeah yeah I am aware that there's a possibility that I might have not given my best effort yet. It's not like I'm not trying, even when I tried just a little bit harder, its still the same. I don't really want to use my blog as a place where I always put my complaints, but jeez, I'm just not, what's that word, owh yeah, satisfied. I really hate the fact that I'm like just floating around the marking scheme, never the worst one, neither the best one. Gotta be thankful though, for not failing anything so far, insyallah. What should I really do? Not having options for choosing your career path really taking its toll down on me right now. I am starting to feel the pressure, the real world of working and I gotta be frank, I am not ready or prepared. But you know, only time will tell. Approximately, I'll have 1 more year to get my degree, and what then? Am I going to start working like everybody else? Inside an office? Inside cubicles? No, I don't want any of that. Maybe it's just the fear, it could be much better than what I'm expecting.